Here I am going through another rough patch. Lately, I haven't been able to sleep. I wake up in the morning super tense (I already know I have a teeth grinding/tongue biting problem that cause my jaw to be sore all next day) or feeling like I need 4 more hours of sleep (even when I didn't party the night before). I don't understand why though. I have had no problem with my school projects or reports (they are still quite easy) and I actually had some friends (Ana & Gabriel with their own friends) come and visit me through the week. This leads me to think, that after all my classmates were right about me being a kinda of a loner.
In the past month, I have been sitting front row but mostly for the fact of paying a lot more attention because the girls in my class just talk too much in class and the teachers never shut them up! Supuestamente estan whispering pero f*ck se esucucha todo el chisme que se tienen! (en verdad, solo hay un profesor que me encanta, porque las calla por nombre y les dice to PLEASE GET OUT!)
It's been almost 4 months now, and from what I hear, a lot of girls REGRET being in the circle of friends they started to be in. Yo nose en que "grupo" estoy yo; nose si en verdad soy la "loner"; y tampoco se si mis classmates aun estan enojadas por mi blog. I have no place in this class and its weird. I usually have my fun little studious group. For example, I have yet another group project for my Product Development class and I have no group. Usually, what I do is stick with the same 3 girls, pero ya estoy aburrida de ellas! Is that bad? - I have 23 other girls in the class and I know for a fact that 5 don't like me; so I have 18 other girls to work with. Pero lo que hacen ellas es quedarse entre las mismas - leaving me con las mismas - PERO YA NO QUIERO! I feel like I'm not growing or developing with others at all y no se que hacer. One group straight up said, "NO!", another had the 5 person limit y la ultima esta con 2 muchachas I don't get along with at all. De alli me queda, el mismo f*ckin grupo! - I'm so frustrated by this!
So I think, I can't sleep because I have given up on the girls here and can't find my niche. Don't get me wrong, I talk to several of them but like I've said before we just don't have great "friend" chemistry. o0o and I also feel like some of the classmates are holding me back in class because they don't understand what the recession is or what "grasp" means!!! Seriously! Just write it down and google it later in your language (las chinitas already do it during class on their iphone)!
Last week, I was told that some of the girls are in this program because the school needed "to meet the full amount". O SEA! Some of these girls aren't supposed to be here? - I know I am, I have very good college grades and hell of a lot more hands on work experience aunque sea en mi family company - I'm not even going to doubt myself, I know I have fashion and business in my blood! But when I found this out, it pissed me off!
Pero bueno que hago!? I need good sleep!! I need to find a man here because I have no idea where to meet new random people - Actually bullsh*t, I randomly met 5 short gay guys 2 weekends ago, maybe I should hang out with them. LOL .... no no, pero en serio que hago! nose que hacer. have no friends or little friends to get along with is not a good feeling, I do not want to sleep or spend loner time in my apartment for the remaining 9 months!
Truth is ..... I feel little alone (but not the type where I need a boyfriend). (SIGH).